1 WFT– One of the most dominant teams all year, the only real weakness on this team is at QB with yet another Dwayne(but better) taking over at QB. The offense is deadly with Antonio Gibson and a deep WR corp bullying opposing defenses, and the defense getting more sacks and catching more balls than Davey’s mother. They’re a strong favorite to make it out of the NFC, but they’ll have to get past their own insanely stacked division.
2 Eagles– Another member of the super spooky NFC east, Donny’s eagles haven’t lost much of a step even with a new young QB taking over. This team is stacked and Donny knows what he’s doing with it, the nfc playoffs are going to be a bloodbath and whoever escapes it will likely be the favorite to win the whole superb owl
3 Steelers– It turns out its actually much easier to play the game when you have a QB, who knew! While the defense has taken a step back this season, they’re still an extremely potent unit and they even gain TJ watt back for the divisional round because of their sexy bye week. While their offense has taken a huge jump from last season, its still middle of the pack, if the Steelers want to go far they may have to dial back the yolo offense and let their defense go back to creating more turnovers than a pastry shop. Also fuck you nfc east.
4 Panthers– The runner up in last years super bowl(a nice way of saying a big ole loser) Dan is determined to correct the record for this year and actually win it this time. This is the same old panthers team, elite defense and a strong offense held back by GEQBus. As long as Dan doesn’t force Sammy to carry the team, the panthers should be considered highly spooky to go deep.
5 Bills- The Bills needed some real heroics at the end of the season to go 12-4 but while they may be a lower seed, they have wins over a lot of other contenders. The offense is kind of a meme besides workhorse Sony Michel, but the defense is top 10 in all the stats that matter and have maybe the best safety in the league in Budda Baker at the backend, so they have a good combo for going deep in the playoffs again especially with the patriots staying home this year.
Unless Ricky starts Taysom, then he’ll probably go out in the wildcard.
6 Colts– As inevitable as death, taxes and people from Boston being racist, the Colts are once again one of the best teams in the league. The run game, wrs and defense are as stout as ever but this colts team is going to need Jacob Eason to take the next step because a near 40 int QB isn’t exactly the type of QB you can rely on unless you have the 85 Bears defense backing them up. The less the colts rely on Eason, the deeper this team will go in the postseason, but if they’re in a do or die situation, Eason may end up looking like the captain of the Titanic which according to my research, is not good.
7 Packers– It’s always going to be a bit difficult to judge the packers teams chances as the rest of their division is once again riding the shortbus to the top of the draft order. This team has beaten some contenders and even in the games they did lose, they kept it close(besides week 16 don’t look at that because it invalidates my point) . The defense isn’t much to write home about besides being strong against the run but the passing game led by Jordan Love has dropped more bombs this year than the Americans did on Dresden and Tokyo combined. The packers could make a deep run but if that best in the league passing attack stutters, the packers will end up packing, THEIR BAGS THAT IS(i am a comedic genius)
8 Chiefs– Newsflash-Patrick Mahomes very good at football! With a whopping 48 TD, Mahomes under the tutelage of coach Willie has finally returned to MVP form. The offense is always going to be extremely spooky even without Travis Kelce but the chiefs need Bobby “best corner in the league” Wilder to make a step up since the receiving talent in the AFC playoffs is going to be the hardest test for anyone in the league since Tony tried to fit those colored shapes into the wooden toy frame.
9 Seahawks- The Seahawks have little to no weaknesses on paper but it remains to be seen if Steel can steel himself to actually hang with the top teams in the NFC. Id write more but honestly who would even want to read more about this team.
10 Dolphins– The best offense in the league, the Dolphins seem poised to finally make a deep run, they just have to work on their defense a bit. Shaq lawson returning gives the middling defense a big boost so they should be ok there, and as long as (NAME REDACTED) doesnt have his eyes wander too much looking for any massages, he should be one of the top passers in the playoffs. This team has the talent to win it, they just need to keep it in their pants and not drop their towels like they did against the Bills in week 17.
11 Texans– The epitome of bend-dont break, this team had 3 players break the 10 INT barrier. If the offense can clean up their act and limit their own turnovers, this team is going to be a real pain in the ass for anyone they play in the playoffs. Jayden Freeman just needs to realize that just because his name has free in it, doesn’t mean he should throw his balls as freely as a college freshman who just realized that abstinence before marriage is actually for squares.
12 Ravens– Through the power of hard work and never giving up, the ravens have managed to just barely limp into the playoffs, woo. Even though they may not have lived up to their expectations in the regular season, this team is still stacked with talent from Dange Russ to DK Metcalf to Patty Queen on defense, as long as they don’t run into any blue horse themed teams in the wildcard they should be fin… wait they play the colts in the wildcard again? Well theres always next year Arlen!
13 Saints– This defense is elite on paper, and they have a strong run game and deep passing attack to keep the other teams on their toes. The only issue is many people may consider this saints team untested as some of their opposing coaches may or may not have been able to actually play them. This could be a cursing or a blessing for this saints team as they are a bit of an unknown. They could go deep or they could fizzle like a drew brees pass that is more than 5 yards down the field, hopefully they go deep because think of the memes.
14 Niners– in a sad but totally expected twist of fate, the niners miss the playoffs via tiebreakers(jk it was due to him just not having 10 wins, get good ty). This team isn’t the best on paper or going by stats, but electric(and inconsistent) qb Alex Hardy could have surprised someone in the postseason. That someone could have been the other team as he threw for 400 yards and 5 tds, or it could have been his own coach as Hardy goes for like 50 yards and eats 11 sacks.
15 Pats– With the patriots just missing the playoffs due to tiebreakers, there will be no repeat for the belly cam sadly. The team really started to pick up steam as the year went on but they simply couldn’t overcome a poor start and some close losses. Unlucky bum
16 Jags– With the sudden resignation of Coach Matty due to him missing the week 16 game since he was too busy blazing up on his couch at home which resulted in a loss since his replacement coach was a bum, it looks to be a very bittersweet ending for the jags. They will end up taking a lot of hardware home this year due to Doug “i totally didnt cheese multiple games including my superstar breakout game” Tate and rookie cb sensation Steven Wall being the DROY, those meaningless awards will mean nothing, sucks to suck matty.
17 Titans– Even though they rocketed off to a hot start, a total collapse to close the year on a 2-6 skid killed the titans playoffs hopes like the CIA killed JFK. Derrick henry is a monster and Will Schmidt also had a solid enough year, but even with eye catching numbers on offense, a lackluster defense let the titans down and will keep them at home for yet another season.
18 Cards– The biggest shock of the year is the collapse of the cardinals, without head coach Danny “the Iraqi Chopper” this team simply was mediocre this year. Its hard to blame this team for falling apart as when you have nobody coaching all season, your team is bound to suck ass, just ask the real life lions(and our lions too)
19 Browns– The browns stacked offense led to one of the best all around offenses in the league, the browns stacked defense on the other hand led to uhhh bottom 3 in every stat, ouch. If coach Jose would devote more time to coaching up his defense, maybe someone other than Denzel Ward would have been good, unfortunately for him, Ward and his 18 picks mean little when his own QB turned the ball over around 400 times
20 Chargers– Even with a mediocre record, this team has shown atleast some progress, they just need that progress to start for QB justin herbert who seems more afraid of passing the ball then I am of talking to women. With a division that is still wide open for a second team to challenge the chiefs, if Herbert makes that jump, the chargers will be that team, until them, back to horny jail for you austin ekler.
21 Raiders– In a shocking turn of events that literally every single person saw coming, the raiders fell apart this year. The defense was below average to say the least, and even with the addition of a top 5 wr in deandre hopkins, the offense was equally lackuster. Seriously why is everson griffen on a 16.45 million dollar contract ptown, hes awful, and you should feel awful for paying him that to get FOUR TACKLES this season.
22 Giants– Even the power of positivity and being cool as hell(big ups Jsmoove) wasnt enough to overcome just how BAD Daniel Jones is. This team has some real bright spots but with little turnovers being forced, and danny dimes tossing just 9 touchdowns to 35 picks, it will be hard for them to progress. Please someone get Jsmoove a real qb next madden.
23 Falcons– The falcons are bad and grid should feel bad for making other people use this team.
24 Vikings- John Ross had a good year
25 Bucs- As a whole, the bucs just seem like a lot of eh, eh passing, eh run game, eh defense, its so overwhelmingly eh that I got so bored I almost fell asleep writing this entry.
26 Rams- The NFC west was wide open this year with the Cardinals spiraling the rams saw that opportunity and promptly fell flat on their faces. This was a big chance for the rams and they really kinda just blew it. The offense was solid enough but even with stars like Aaron “Dannys worst nightmare” donald on the defense, it was pretty shit.
27 Bears- The bears are not good. The only real standouts on this team are QB nick escobar who had a solid year and MLB Roquan Smith. Abolish the nfc north.
28 Bengals- I was going to write this entry but i decided to retire instead
29 Lions– QB Brock Cooper had 56 sacks and 53 Ints. I’m not surprised tony likes the number 50 that’s around what I assume his IQ is.
30 Jets– Its hard to fault new coach DJ for the state of this team, they simply just lack talent throughout. They had a great passing defense on paper but that may be due to teams not having to pass after the first quarter against them. Zach Wilson season madden 22?
31 Broncos– 12 tds to 42 picks is a less than ideal ratio for your QB, having a bottom tier defense to go along with your possibly worst in the league offense? Even worse as it turns out. Team standout would be josh rosen with a great season of 1-1 for 10 yards giving him a qb passer rating of 108.3 to Drew locks uhh 46.5.
